how can i leave you again?

since i was a little girl, i have already been a big fan of john denver. my late dad is a country music lover, but he also listened to many music genres which brought me to a universal music listener.

my favorite song of john denver music are how can i leave you again, shanghai breeze, and sunshine on my shoulder.

amongst those 3 songs, i like best how can i leave you again



i was only 9 or 10 years old, when my dad played the record for the first time and then the movie of john denver sung this song. 

until now, it is so difficult to hold my tears when listening to this song. it is not only the memories about my dad, but also caused by the song was sung beautifully and the lyric ...oooh it is strongly influenced me... especially in the time when i am in vague if the path i am taking is the correct one...

question the course that i follow
i am doubtful deep in despair
my heart is filled with impossible notions
can it be you no longer care?

but i have YOU and MOTHER MARY. on your hand i surrender my life. i should not be in doubt...., i should be thankful..., i should follow the path available in front of me and trust the compass shown by YOU... 

HOW CAN I LEAVE YOU AGAIN? 


D  Em  A  A7Sus4

       D
In a spaceship over the mountains
        Em7        G             D
chasing rainbows in the setting sun
         G        Em7           D      Bm
leaving heart and home for the city of angels
  Em7                A
I feel my life is undone

           D
There are pathways winding below me
    Em7           G              D
In pleasure I've gone where they go
         G    Em7       D          Bm
In the quiet stillness, I can hear symphonies,
    Em7                 A
the loveliest music I know

(Chorus)

Em7        A          D    Bm
How can I leave you again?
  Em7            A        F#m7  Bm
I must be clear out of my mind
Em7       F#m               G
Lost in a storm I've gone blind
    Em7        A          D
Oh, how can I leave you again?

(Bridge)

         Em7                          D
Oh, it's been a long time since I've listened
      Em7                            D
still longer since I've walked with you
         Em7                        D
For the first time I know what I'm missing
     Em              C      A  A7sus4
Some answers are no longer true..... so I

(Verse 2)

  D
question the course that I follow
    Em7        G          D
I'm doubtful, deep in despair
    G       Em7            D       Bm
My heart is filled with impossible notions
       Em7               A
Can it be you no longer care?

         D
Still I ride on the wings of a high wind
         Em7         G       D
blowing steady and strong behind me
         G       Em7         D          Bm
As the clouds surrender, my fate is for certain --
      Em7                     A
I'm a sailor who runs to the sea... but    (to chorus)

playing with photoshop - fairy tales

i was having a chit chat with a photographer friend about how expensive a good filter is. we were talking about the silky effect on water photography, we saw many pictures of silky water sea, waterfalls etc, and were amazed by the mystical effect of it. then at the end, i teased him that he can get the silky effect by using adobe photoshop rather than buy those expensive filters. he laughed and laughed....

then, i was triggered to play creating water effect with adobe photoshop. later on, my imagination going infinity and below is the result:

since i was a kid, i always like fairy tales stories.  fairy tales of hans christian andersen is one of my favorite besides grimm's. i watched most of barbie fairy stories, and i like best 
barbie as rapunzel

enjoy.

in remembrance - dad

10 years ago, was a very shocking day for my family especially myself.

my dad passed away, being suffered from a serious tumor near his stem brain nothing much we could do, only pray, beside he was not young anymore.

my eldest sister is a doctor, she knew exactly what was going to be happened to our dad and we were forced to count the day until the final count down.

losing someone that you love and admire would not be easy. i am still carrying the uncomfortable feeling when hearing ambulance siren or seeing its lamp flashing at night.

i still remember every single moment of the day when we finally lose our dad.

i was alone living in this small island, all my sisters and brothers were leaving in different cities in a different island.

my dad is a music lover. from him i learned various type of music since my childhood time, those experience brought me up to also like different type of music. from mainstream jazz, classical, traditional music from various country such as japanese enka.

in an occasion like today, i usually went to the beach where his ash were buried (in the sea) early in the morning, saying prayers and 'talk' to him.

this is the view from the place I stood still early morning, sending roses and prayers for my dad. recall all memories from every stage of my life when he was still with me.

dad is a humble man, with a very strong determination, taught us the value of sincerity, honesty and generosity which faded now from the modern society.

i still want to hold that value until the time i will also go. the value that will always put me in a peaceful mind, as i do not need to be a 'fake' me.

when the corpse of my dad was still at home, the song that i played to ease my mind is 'it never entered my mind' sung by  stacey kent from her album in love again - the music of richard rodgers.


but when i knew dance with my father again by luther vandross, my heart was melted and could not hold my tears. until now, i always cry when listening to this song. below is the link to a youtube video of the stunning song.

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

bogoshipda 보고싶다

this song haunted me like a ghost for more than a year (sung beautifully by kim bum soo )
i always sob when listening ... even only to the introduction.
i think this is a kind of song that has a soul in it.
first time i listen to the song i did not even understand any single words of the lyrics, but somehow i can feel the pain.





then..., i found the lyric in korean and english, and it is very true.


No matter how long I wait, I just can't leave,
Like a fool,
Crying, by your side.

How can I not know,
That all you can give me is pain,
But I'll still continue to wait,
Even when you tell me to go.

I miss you, I miss you,
So much that I even hate this side of me,
I want to cry,
I am on my knees,
If only things didn't happen the way it did.

The memories of me being madly in love with you,
I search for you in those memories, but,
I can no longer hold on to you,
Using love as my excuse,
Although I shouldn't be this way,
But I miss you so much I feel I'm dying.

I miss you, I miss you,
So much that I even hate this side of me,
I want to believe, that this is the right path,
That all I can do for you is to leave.

The memories of me being madly in love with you,
I search for you in those memories, but,
I can no longer hold on to you,
Using love as my excuse,
Although I shouldn't be this way,
But I miss you so much I feel I'm dying.

I want to forget so much it feels like dying.


today, i wrote this post to comfort my own feeling. feel so sad that finally a best friend will have a new assignment in a place which quiet far away from the place i stayed.


i also found wise words from my friend's post, originally by richard bach which written like this:
do not be dismayed by goodbyes. a farewell is necessary before you can meet again. and meeting again, after moment and lifetimes, is certain for those who are in friends.


my prayers are following you wherever you go. wish you luck. your place is not there actually... am praying for your original wish to be comes true (we both know what it is) but let HIM do his part to knit the best future for you.


take care.... bo go ship da