finally she surrendered

18 September 2014 - 06.25 West Indonesian Time

i received a phone call from my brother.

the phone that i knew i will receive one day, at an unpredictable time. 

"mom passed away." she finally surrendered.

three weeks before she fulfilled her final call, I visited her at the hospital.

she had been in the high care unit for nearly 2 weeks. never out from the hospital since the first time she rushed in. totally, one month and 6 days.

she had a tremendous flank bleeding.

that day i visited her, we had a very good talk. heart to heart. religious music that i played close to her ears very gentle accompanied her story. She said she was tired, and wish the final call will come soon. she was in tears, then she smiled. she hold my hand tightly, and I do not want to release her hand either. while i still can physically touch her.

i only can spend 3 days there, and have to go back to where I am now.

her condition going up and down, expanding the roller coaster mood in my mind. a hope still be lighted deep inside. 

the day she passed away, i went to the airport trying to get flight that can bring me back home. still in that kind situation, emotion should be suppressed into the lower limit, facing un-friendly ground handling of a famous (NON BUDGET) carrier. 

back to my hometown, approaching the funeral house, my feeling was really played. tears uncontrolled, knowing that very soon I will face the reality.

she was laid in her coffin. looks as she was sleeping. the requiem held. people gathered. she is a popular old lady. many friends. i was there but not really there. my mind wandering around. Jumping from one memory to another. 

the last song that I wanted to transfer to her is the below song: lagu untuk mama (song for mom). unfortunately, it was unable to transfer it on the day she started losing her consciousness, 2 days before her forever departure.

i wrote this note to remember my mom, and send her the song that i would like her to hear.

good bye mom. i miss you.