in remembrance - dad

10 years ago, was a very shocking day for my family especially myself.

my dad passed away, being suffered from a serious tumor near his stem brain nothing much we could do, only pray, beside he was not young anymore.

my eldest sister is a doctor, she knew exactly what was going to be happened to our dad and we were forced to count the day until the final count down.

losing someone that you love and admire would not be easy. i am still carrying the uncomfortable feeling when hearing ambulance siren or seeing its lamp flashing at night.

i still remember every single moment of the day when we finally lose our dad.

i was alone living in this small island, all my sisters and brothers were leaving in different cities in a different island.

my dad is a music lover. from him i learned various type of music since my childhood time, those experience brought me up to also like different type of music. from mainstream jazz, classical, traditional music from various country such as japanese enka.

in an occasion like today, i usually went to the beach where his ash were buried (in the sea) early in the morning, saying prayers and 'talk' to him.

this is the view from the place I stood still early morning, sending roses and prayers for my dad. recall all memories from every stage of my life when he was still with me.

dad is a humble man, with a very strong determination, taught us the value of sincerity, honesty and generosity which faded now from the modern society.

i still want to hold that value until the time i will also go. the value that will always put me in a peaceful mind, as i do not need to be a 'fake' me.

when the corpse of my dad was still at home, the song that i played to ease my mind is 'it never entered my mind' sung by  stacey kent from her album in love again - the music of richard rodgers.


but when i knew dance with my father again by luther vandross, my heart was melted and could not hold my tears. until now, i always cry when listening to this song. below is the link to a youtube video of the stunning song.

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream